A Mr. Beige original tool
The Beige-o-meter.
Paste your brief, your idea, your copyline. The meter will tell you how beige it is, and what's making it that way. Want a proper read? Mr. Beige does those by hand.
Step one
Paste it in.
Instant read
The verdict.
Heuristic verdict
Run the meter to see what it thinks.
Step two · optional
Want a proper read?
Drop your name and email and Mr. Beige will give you a full diagnosis — three specific observations, one rewrite in your voice, and a named verdict on why it's beige (or, occasionally, why it's not).
We use the email to send you the read and (if ticked) the newsletter. We never share it. Honestly.
Mr. Beige is reading it…
Usually takes 5–10 seconds. Don't refresh.
Mr. Beige's read
A diagnosis.
—
A better version
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We've got your details. We'll take a look at what you submitted, and see what builds and ideas we can come up with.
Hmm.
Mr. Beige is briefly unavailable.
Try again in a minute. If it keeps happening, the meter is having one of those days.
The Wall
Recently submitted, publicly aired.
Submissions from people brave enough to tick the box. First names only. Worst offenders get a permanent home here.
Honesty section
How does the meter think?
01
It counts the obvious.
Jargon ("synergy", "leverage", "stakeholder"), passive constructions, hedging language ("kind of", "perhaps"), sentence-length tedium, and corporate buzzwords are scored against the total word count.
02
It rewards the human.
Contractions, voice markers ("weird", "stupid", "honestly"), short sentences, and committed verbs all reduce the beige score. Sounding like a person beats sounding like a deck.
03
For the proper read, Mr. Beige does it himself.
The deep read isn't an algorithm scoring vocabulary — it's a properly trained AI working from Mr. Beige's own editorial standards. It catches what a checklist can't: tone, specificity, the gap between what you said and what you meant.